From Adversary to Ally: Transforming Our Relationship with Pain

When clients come to me for support with chronic pain or health conditions*, there is a transformative, albeit challenging, shift that supports their healing journey.

The shift is this: the belief that their body is working for them, not against them.

I understand how difficult and counterintuitive this might seem amidst distressing symptoms. This belief does not negate, deny, or minimize the suffering we experience, nor the sometimes catastrophic impact our condition can have on our lives.

My work extends beyond clients with chronic pain conditions. I apply this attitude to our emotions and behaviors, even those we dislike the most. What if our painful, distressing, and seemingly sabotaging behaviors are working for us, not against us?

We live in a society steeped in shame, quick to blame the individual without considering the larger ecology in which we all exist.

In the self-development world, this focus on independence has morphed into what I perceive to be a distortion of the empowering concept of self-responsibility.

When my clients discover the groundbreaking work of Dr. Sarno and Dr. Allen Gordon, which suggests that medically unexplained and untreatable chronic pain is an expression of unexpressed emotional distress, they often feel at fault. They believe they are not "processing" or feeling their emotions "correctly" or sufficiently.

It is crucial to understand that if symptoms are indeed caused by emotional distress, it is not a result of any wrongdoing. Our symptoms are simply the brain and nervous system's most efficient method of handling trauma and stress. It is a way to take the hit when life serves up overwhelming events. That is all.

Nothing has gone awry; this is what brains and bodies do under duress. This is how the human system renders the unbearable bearable.

When we take the time in session to slow down and connect to our most resourced selves, these maligned parts start to share tremendous stories of courage and care. How a crippling addiction allowed someone to cope with unbearable terror from a traumatic event, how migraines helped someone block out horrific family fights, how procrastination helps someone stay away from deep feelings of worthlessness, because if they never try they can never fail.

And because we possess this incredible consciousness, this almost magical ability to direct our minds to interact with ourselves in constructive and healing ways, we can respond to these challenges in ways that alleviate our suffering.

To me, self-responsibility means that we have the ability to respond.

One constructive way to respond is to consider that our body is not our enemy. Our sabotaging behaviors are not our enemy. Our painful emotions are not our enemy. They are aspects of ourselves performing admirably within the confines of our lives. And we have the remarkable capacity to support these parts of us in finding more constructive ways to help.

We can lead these parts of us toward a more harmonious pursuit of health and healing internally. And, as with leading others, we become effective leaders by trusting and believing in those we lead, offering support and resources.

Let us start by recognizing our body as our ally. There is no need to shame, berate, or blame our symptoms. We can approach them with compassion and say: "I am so sorry you are hurting like this, what do you need?"

Reorienting our perspective to view our body as a collaborator rather than an adversary opens the door to healing. This reframing is not a dismissal of pain but an embrace of the body's innate wisdom. When we replace confrontation with collaboration, we not only change the narrative of our health journey but also empower ourselves to navigate it with compassion and understanding. Let's begin this transformative process by extending kindness to ourselves and our bodies, as we would to a trusted friend.

*It is vital to note that my work with clients who have chronic pain or health conditions is either in support of ongoing medical treatment or after a thorough medical investigation when symptoms remain unexplained or untreatable.